Grief is the normal and natural response to loss. Each person grieves in their own way and their own time. When someone you love dies your whole world shifts. What was once meaningful might become meaningless; what we thought was important, less so, and as our world view shifts, so does our experience of ourselves, our friends, and our community. There are many models of understanding grief:  William Worden’s 5 tasks of grieving; Therese Rando’s 6 “R”s of grieving and of course, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief.

What they all have in common is that over time, it becomes essential to find a new sense of purpose, to structure our days to do something meaningful and to channel our loneliness away from isolation to connection.

The Healing Power of Volunteering

Volunteering is the act of offering one’s time and skills to benefit others. It is a unique way to channel one’s grief into something powerful and meaningful.   How does volunteering do this?

1. Sense of Purpose: Grief can sometimes make life feel aimless and without direction. Volunteering can give one a new sense of purpose by making a positive impact on someone else’s life. This helps the person grieving regain a sense of meaning and provide structure.
2. Connection and Community: People who are widowed often complain that no one calls them to go out anymore. The couples who might have been part of their social circle no longer include the newly single person. The person themselves might feel like a “5^th wheel” no longer fitting in. Conversations can be awkward, avoiding talking about their loved one who died because they don’t want to “make it worse”. Volunteering connects individuals to like-minded people who share common goals and values. This sense of belonging, being part of something bigger than oneself is an antidote to loneliness.
3. Distraction and Productivity: When you are volunteering you are not thinking about yourself or how your life has changed. You are focused on the task at hand, and the person you are helping. Some volunteers take on roles and tasks that were important to their loved one who died- honoring their memory and strengthening their connection to their loved one.
4. Creating New Memories: When you volunteer, you create new memories connected to positive experiences. You are meeting new people, who accept you as you are. It takes courage to make changes, but volunteering gives one the structure to make these changes in a measured and contained way. It gives you the confidence to learn new things and to experience yourself in a new way in relationship to the world.

Choosing the Right Volunteer Opportunity

When considering volunteering as part of your grief process, it is important to choose a volunteer job that will support you and help you transition to this next phase of your life. JFS has a long history of valuing volunteers and their contributions to strengthening our community and helping the vulnerable among us.  They recognize the value of volunteers’ contributions and show their appreciation by making sure that JFS volunteers are part of a team and get the training and support they need. This is true whether you are helping refugees and asylees take their first steps in their new country, making sure that children in our community have the clothes and supplies they need to attend school and to flourish; or helping vulnerable older adults get to their medical appointments.

There is no one way to grieve. Grief takes time, patience, and self-compassion. When the mourner is ready to begin to move out in the world, volunteering can be a bridge to a new life and sense of purpose. Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, said there is nothing so whole as a broken heart.  Volunteering can help heal a broken heart, bringing hope to themselves and to the people they help.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the loss of a loved one, contact JFS to learn about available volunteer opportunities that can provide support and purpose during this transition period.