Ask YOUR Ally in Aging: A Series

Question:

“My mother is in an assisted living facility and I can’t visit her. I want to bring her into my house and care for her. Now that the state is reopening, I am thinking that maybe I need to be more patient and wait and see what happens.

— Torn

Ally Answer:

Dear Torn,

Your heart is saying “yes” and your head is saying “maybe not.” There are some practical things to think about. When your mother moved to her assisted living residence, she signed a lease.

How much notice does she have to give when leaving? It varies between 30, 60 and even 90 days. Is she prepared to pay rent to the assisted living residence while she is living with you?

There are many questions you need to ask yourself: How much care does she need? Every 6 months, according to state regulations, the facility needs to update a resident’s care plan. Do you know how much care your mother needs? Are you willing and able to provide the care? Are there any other family members who can help you? Do you have a plan how you would go about hiring a private aide to help your mother in your house?

If your mother is unhappy, will she be able to go back to her assisted living community? Would she need to quarantine? Would she need to pay the community fee again?

It is a big commitment to provide care for a parent. Even if a person does not need hands on care, it is difficult to predict how your mom will react to living in a new place, not seeing her friends regularly, or receiving care from you. Some adult children do better keeping the two roles separate, i.e., loving daughter and hands on caregiver.

There is not one right decision for all families.

Contact your Allies in Aging Care Manager today, and you can make a plan together.

Ask Ally is written by Malka Young, LICSW, Director of Allies in Aging JFS Elder Care Solutions